Whirlwind

Tonight is one of the first low nights i've had since getting back from New Hampshire last friday. Relaxation is something I am not used to, and i equate it with boredom a lot. I just have to remind myself that drinking and being social every night isn't always good for me, as proven by the headcold I seem to have picked up over the past day. Friday through sunday was spent in a whirlwind of partying, much thanks to the friends of Daves that were staying at the hotel. I spent Friday getting drunk with Cindi and Dave, Dion, Brandon and their friends Sarah and Brett (I think) and having a grand time laughing at everything and getting to know one another. Dion was hysterical, utterly "fabulous" and I thought, since he was rooming with Brandon, that brandon was also gay. It also helped he was wearing tight jeans, had some mannerisms that signalled gay and the adorable southern accent didnt help either. Well Saturday night i learned differently. I ended up hostessing and completely wearing myself out at the restaurant saturday night, since it was crazy busy with Dave and Stephane's parties of 20 each and reservations out the ass. Towards the end of the night Dion and Brandon pulled me over and sat me down with a martini and soon i found myself drinking alone with Brandon and him totally flirting and being all over me. Kevin of course got jealous and made a couple comments throughout the night, and while I did feel bad about flirting quite openly (without being all over him) in front of kevin, kevin has made it clear that this isn't really a relationship so I'm free to do as i please. I wasn't about to go sleeping around on him, but flirting is not going to harm anyone. So it ended up being a fairly late night as you can imagine, having several martinis and just socializing overall.

Sunday was just a...WEIRD day. The hotel had such a strange vibe about it, with everything seeming to break and go wrong and guests just being on edge, making me on edge. So when my shift ended and i ended up out by the pool on the oversized mattresses with Brandon and a couple of the guests offered up xanax to us I happily obliged, even though i've never been one to turn to pills or drugs of any kind or even alcohol to sooth my problems. Let me tell you. I was the most mellow, chilled out person out there, my day was so much better. I ended up in one of the fabulous hammocks with Brandon just talking and laughing with a delicious pina colada martini in hand and totally enjoying myself. After planning what was supposed to be a sunset viewing on shelter island, we got a late start when "bubbles" (aka dion) took forever to get ready and we ended up arriving at shelter island well after dark. One mojito and one terrific fall up the stairs (i will have you know that the mojito stayed completely in its glass during my flight) later we left shelter island and headed to sag harbor in search of food and more drinks. That whole night is a blur of alcohol, flirting and dion being in a cranky mood due to lack of nourishment. At some point I know we ended up at the Talkhouse in Amagansett dancing to an awesome reggae band and having shots of sambuca.

And the entire week has just spiraled out from there, parties with Dave and musical owners the other night between Dave and Danny who both fed me alcohol and food like I was a drain. Which is all really fun except for when the punishment is feeling like you've gotten run over by a mack truck and a train and alcohol is not the cause.

I better savor this relaxation...i probably will not see it much again.

The Quater Life Crisis

Hi. My name is Ashley and I am in full-blown quarter life crisis mode.

Just a few months ago I made 3 huge life altering decisions: I moved back to NYC and subsequently got out of a longterm relationship, and then quit my steady, near perfect, job. Now I work by the beach 3 hours from home spending my time at a bar or by bonfires at the beach, i have a boytoy who is 5 years younger than me, a job that allows me to mingle with celebrities, and I've developed a shoe fetish and a shopping addiction that rivals even my most materialistic friends. I have even let go of some long-standing beliefs and ideas that were holding me back and have developed a new passion for life.

On another note, I graduate in 4 months and while i'm technically a grown up, being 25 and all, I'm in complete panic mode over what I want to do with my life. Do i stay in new york, get a job here and actually experience city life or do i pick up my restless self and move across the country to a city that might suit me better? Ah, the unknown.

And a huge part of me is pondering what the point of putting myself through this hell called FIT is for. I have spent the past three and a half years bludgeoning myself with projects and stress and making sure i'm perfect for presentations that last 5 minutes. And i'm about to throw myself to the devil himself in 3 weeks. And for what? a bachelors degree that has taken me 7 years to get? Yeah I don't see the point. Which isn't helping motivate myself to do this thesis project.

So whether a quarter life crisis actually exists or not, Im not sure, but i'm convinced i'm going through one.