Releasing.

I think I have reached a milestone in getting over my very own Mr. Big. (If i haven't told anyone this, my life is like a sex and the city season--Carrie and samantha all rolled into one)

I have finally come as close to peace with the whole situation as I think I'm ever going to be. For the past 4 months I have been pretty upset/angry/insert emotional outburst here. Its winded down to just anger as of recently, thinking about him no longer sends me into hysterics and i haven't shed one tear for him in 2 months. But now I can think about him and not want to rip him a new asshole for the shitty way he treated me at the end. I now know he was just doing that to slow things down and ease the pain for both of us. Even though breaking it off was the most painful experience as of that point in my life that I've had to go through. The next most painful thing in my life was beating myself up with my laptop. Now THAT fing hurt. and i actually have a scar to prove it! OK i'm starting to drift...back to the point.

He helped me realize what i wanted from a relationship. He showed me how i could be treated by someone, and he taught me some important lessons.

Like no matter how amazing and intense a relationship, the guys not leaving his wife.

I'm downright ok with everything. When, of course, I'm not beating myself up for being an idiot and actually doing something as scummy as that. And no that was not why I attacked myself with my laptop. That occured after 2 margaritas and lack of common sense. Oh wait, thats how this relationship developed (minus the margaritas, maybe a couple baileys on the rocks...)

I may be close to being completely over him. I dont think I can be friends with him ever again, but theres a good chance my issues of intimacy might be resolved.

I hope.